You ever eat an entire bag of chips? I did once. Wait, that was just now. I also consumed a crapload of sour cream in the process. (Hey, blog editor text box, why did you underline crapload? There! You did it again! Jerk!)
They were the baked kind, though, so that's somewhat healthy, right? While I was purchasing said chips, I was also carrying some pants hangers and some soda (that's right, soda, not pop). I wondered what this said about me as a person to other observers. Since I'm sometimes hyper-aware and insecure, I took this to the next illogical leap: if you are in a new relationship, you should go to the store with this person and buy three items. You should have decided in advance what these three items are. Be as generic as possible. Don't say "Archer Farms Black Pepper and Sea Salt Baked Potato Crisps." Say "chips."
Why this will lead to hilarity (in my eyes, at least) later on is because you and your potential mate will either gel or not gel in your shopping styles. Again, don't shop for clothes. Shop for food. You need food. You will buy food regularly. This is something that will set the stage for the future of your relationship. By the way, unless you're a real masochist, your first date should not be at Target.
Pick three items, like I said. Here are the three that I spotted and so purchased:
Pants hangers
Dr. Pepper 12-pack
The aforementioned bag of chips
If we were to genericize (I like to make up words) this list, it would consist of hangers, soda, and chips. Simple enough, right?
Okay, I'm straying from the point. I do this often. What you'll want to observe in your potential mate during this time is how their shopping style compares to yours. Do they walk at the same speed as you? Do they get distracted easily from the mission? Do you? Does this matter to you? Will this matter to you later on? Imagine doing this during a more stressful time, like during 0800 on the day after Thanksgiving in a strange town. The time will come.
I'm running out of mental brainpower (bring on the jokes at my expense, friends!) and so I'm going to leave the rest of this to your imagination or/and comments.
So, may I be so bold as to ask . . . Did you just on on a first date to the grocery store and buy hangers, soda and chips? If so, how was the trip? Did you take the person home prior to the massive chip consumption? If you did not take her home, what was her reaction to the feast? I am very interested!!
ReplyDeleteYou see, this is what I love about leaving it open to interpretation. No, I did not go on a first date to the grocery store (in this case, Target). However, had I taken a girl to Target in order to woo her, I would have purchased two bags as they were on sale. Sadly, no one was around to watch me consume my finger's weight in baked chips. Also, I was not baked at the time of or prior to the "massive chip consumption."
ReplyDeleteMaybe someone out there should go on a first date at a grocery store just to report back. Who knows? It could even be the way to jump start a less-than-nascent relationship!
A few years back I had a first date to a grocery store (Well, it started with a walk around town and since we were having such a good time he invited me to the store with him). Although I was slightly put off (my being a food snob) that he was buying boxes of heavily processed junk from Rainbow, that's not what ended it. The trip to the store was fun and he was cute. There was a lot of skipping and giggling. I would have to say that grocery store dates are a rad idea.
ReplyDeleteWhat did end it btw was my having been a little neurotic at the time. So be it.
Just to add a little - I did have, that first day at the grocery store, a sinking feeling - as if I knew I couldn't ever commit to someone with such drastically different shopping/eating habits. Perhaps that's why I irrationally responded (was a b-i-t-c-h) to a two day response time to a one sentence email I had sent him?
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling you might be doing the first guest spot. And you might be doing it right there on the floor. I just had those carpets cleaned!
ReplyDeleteYou better think about purchasing a high-powered Bissell because I may just continue to unabashedly release bits of information about my faulty character all over the plush ground of your pristine new blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're doing so without the express written permission of John's Crazy-Ass Blogs.com LLC
ReplyDelete